The story is told of a man walking along a beach in California who happens to encounter God. God tells him that since he has been a faithful servant he can ask God for his heart's desire. He asks for a bridge to be built from California to Hawaii - but God tells him to choose something else, pointing out that it would take megatons of concrete and steel and would adversely effect the environment. The man thinks for a bit and then says “I'd like to know what women really need - what would please them and make them happy.” After a long silence God says “How many lanes would you like on that bridge?”
What does a woman need? What does a man need? I've got a COUPLE THOUGHTS on that topic.
John Gray, in his book “Men Are From Mars -Women Are From Venus” says that men and women each need three primary things. He says that women need care, understanding and respect - and here's how he defines each.
Care: The feeling of being cared for comes from receiving lots of small reminders that she is the most important person in your life. Flowers, cards, kind words, touch, a phone call. Try to do at least 5 affirming things per day - every day!
Understanding: Understanding comes from feeling heard when she speaks. Try to become a better listener - don't defend yourself, deny, correct her or make the conversation about you.
Respect: Respect means valuing her opinion, holding her hand in public, not ditching her At a party.
Understanding: Understanding comes from feeling heard when she speaks. Try to become a better listener - don't defend yourself, deny, correct her or make the conversation about you.
Respect: Respect means valuing her opinion, holding her hand in public, not ditching her At a party.
Gray goes on to say that men need acceptance, appreciation and trust - and defines each in this way.
Acceptance: You can't change a man by trying to change him. Try accepting him the way he is. Don't point out his flaws, but do notice what he does that you like - and make a big deal about that!
Appreciation: Whatever behavior you'd like to see more of - appreciate it in a big way and you will.
Trust: If you think that he can't… then he'll try to prove you wrong. If you trust that he can… then he'll try to measure up to your trust.
Appreciation: Whatever behavior you'd like to see more of - appreciate it in a big way and you will.
Trust: If you think that he can't… then he'll try to prove you wrong. If you trust that he can… then he'll try to measure up to your trust.
Let me suggest that you each read this article and then discuss to see if Gray's analysis is accurate. If so, you've got some good direction to be more effective in your relationship.
Rick may be reached at Psychology Health Group (563)359-4049
"What Men Need - What Women Need"
