"Scoring Points With The Opposite Sex"
There's a story of a man who attends relationship training and learns that the way to score points with a woman is lots of little gifts of love. He takes the afternoon off to surprise her and on his way home he buys a large variety of gifts. He rings the door bell - she answers - he holds out his armload of gifts and announces, loud enough for the neighbors to hear, “I love you Honey!”. She responds by breaking into tears and saying, “everything that could go wrong has gone wrong today…and now you come home drunk!”.
How do we give to each other in such a way that it makes a positive difference? I've got a Couple Thoughts on that topic.
Men are motivated by feelings and operate on the principle that if one is good - more is better…twelve roses are better than one. Men seek “the most bang for their buck” so if they don't get the expected “bang” from the dozen roses, then they're apt to just stop giving flowers.
Many women feel that it's not the size of the gift but the thought that counts. This means that one or a dozen roses is the same - it shows that he thought of her - 1 point! Women also tend to give what it is they would most like to receive - this is why men get shirts instead of hammers. Women also give and give because they know that giving is good - it's what they like to do.
When I counsel couples I always ask them to recall what the relationship was like when they first met. He asked her out, picked her up, bought flowers or candy, chose the restaurant, and paid the bill. She was a gracious receiver - appreciative and non-critical of his efforts. Do you see a pattern here? He gave his time and a few gifts of love - she received and appreciated.
Solution: Men - don't overwhelm her to catch up on points, give many small gifts of love every day that say you thought about her and care about her (a note, a call, a kind word, a simple gesture, an inexpensive gift). Women - do less!!!!! Watch for him to do little things for you and then notice them in a big way. I predict that this behavior will make this part of your relationship seems more like the first part - which you probably liked a whole lot more anyway.
Many women feel that it's not the size of the gift but the thought that counts. This means that one or a dozen roses is the same - it shows that he thought of her - 1 point! Women also tend to give what it is they would most like to receive - this is why men get shirts instead of hammers. Women also give and give because they know that giving is good - it's what they like to do.
When I counsel couples I always ask them to recall what the relationship was like when they first met. He asked her out, picked her up, bought flowers or candy, chose the restaurant, and paid the bill. She was a gracious receiver - appreciative and non-critical of his efforts. Do you see a pattern here? He gave his time and a few gifts of love - she received and appreciated.
Solution: Men - don't overwhelm her to catch up on points, give many small gifts of love every day that say you thought about her and care about her (a note, a call, a kind word, a simple gesture, an inexpensive gift). Women - do less!!!!! Watch for him to do little things for you and then notice them in a big way. I predict that this behavior will make this part of your relationship seems more like the first part - which you probably liked a whole lot more anyway.
Rick may be reached at Psychology Health Group (563)359-4049