Reprint 20

"Playing The Game Of Love Error Free"

Did you ever watch a baseball game? Sometimes a fly ball is hit into the outfield…right between center and left. Both the center fielder and the left fielder move toward where they believe the ball will come down in order to catch it. Then, as the ball gets close, each player notices the other and stops trying for the ball - only to have it drop to the grass between them. In a split second each thought the other was going to catch it and so backed off. They call these plays “errors” in baseball. To solve this problem - the players are taught that one of them should take the initiate to shout “I've got it” - then the other player knows to back off so that both don't get caught in an embarrassing error.
This happens often in relationships. Both perceive a problem (the fly ball) but neither works to correct it because they think the other is going to make a move. I've got a couple thoughts on how to avoid this relationship “error”.

1. Never allow yourself to think - for even a moment - that your partner is going to do anything to fix what is wrong between you. Fixing your relationship is your responsibility. I have spent countless hours listening to couples say to each other - “I was waiting for you to say you were sorry”.

2. Don't doubt your ability to reach out and help your relationship. This is another popular interaction between two hurting people; “I was going to try to be more affectionate but I didn't think you'd respond well”. You can't control their response but remember -“a faint heart never won a fair maid”.
3. Both of you want the relationship fixed and the problems solved! What gets in the way is pride, indecision, anger, resentment, fear - worthless responses that we clinically refer to as maladaptive coping.

Make up your mind today that you are going to be the one who sees the problem between you and shouts “I've got it!”. If you're not sure of what to do next check out the relationship articles I've posted in the Marriage section of my website: qccounselor.com. There's no excuse in this modern age for not knowing how to be good in a relationship or how to fix things when they're not what they should be. Let's play this season with fewer “errors”.