"Marital Intimacy"

The frequency of marital intimacy is a common topic of discussion when I'm doing couples therapy. I'll use the term “intimacy” instead of the more recognizable 3 letter version of this act because this is a family magazine and I'm not looking to expand my reader demographic to include children - so “intimacy” it is!
How often is “normal” for a couple to have intimacy? I've got a COUPLE THOUGHTS that topic.
Some therapists cite charts and tables that define “normal” frequency at various ages. Some say “do it when you feel like it and don't be concerned about norms and averages.” In my experience with couples - one partner generally thinks there's too little frequency and one thinks there's already plenty. The way I attempt to solve this difference of opinion is to present the following scenario:

There is an activity commonly found in relationships that one partner is naturally driven to want to engage in more often than the other partner. This partner anticipates and looks forward to encountering the other so that both may do this. The other is often less than a willing participant - sometimes giving the impression that they'd just like to get it over with quickly. This lack of enthusiasm often causes hurt and discouragement - and can lead to a diminishing or even stopping of this activity. When the other partner is cooperative - even encouraging of this activity - it creates a feeling of connectedness and fulfillment that leave the initiator of the activity with loving feelings toward their partner.
Now….can you guess what marital activity this paragraph was describing? For many men, the activity described is martial intimacy with their wives. For many women this activity is “conversation with their husbands”. It's not uncommon for me to hear that neither partner fully understands why the other wants to do this so often. They don't have a need to do it so often - so what's wrong with their partner? Read the description of the activity again - but this time realize that it's marital intimacy for men and marital conversation for women. Then think about how you feel when your partner doesn't want to, isn't enthusiastic, wants to get it over quickly - or says “once a week for 15 minutes is plenty!”. We each have very different needs and ways that we wish to connect to each other. Maybe there's room for compromise here. Good luck.
aaaaaaaaaaaaiii